Thursday Thirteen – Top 13 Names I'll Probably Never Give My Dogs

Barb and I, while happily partnered as breeders for a good long while now (longer than either of us probably would like to admit), do tend to disagree on several topics, not the least of which is the naming of animals. Barb likes snappy patter, names with a sense of humor and preferably a play on words. To wit, her first dog from me was registered as Bullmarket A&As Stripe Ts (get it? Stripe Ts, Strip Tease?). There’s also Elliott, registered as Absolut Bullmarket SeeSpotRun (I can’t wait to register one of his kids as “See Spot’s Son”).

Roch VoisineI, on the other hand, am a big fan of theme litters — that’s where each puppy in a litter gets a name that’s a play on the same theme. It lets absent minded people like me instantly remember which litter is which just based on each name, plus I like the fun of picking out names that are all part of the same over all idea.

For example, Sailor’s dad was El Torro’s Roch Voisine, so each of her eight siblings has a name playing on the ‘Roch’ theme – Roch the Boat, Roch E Mountains, Roch Lobster, etc.

I’ve also done ice creams, jazz musicians, herbs and Christmas related names.

There are a few themes, however, that I’m pretty sure Barb would put her foot down on, rather firmly. Herewith, my top thirteen list of theme named litters Barb would pitch a hissy fit over. In other words, don’t expect to see these on registration papers any time soon.

1. Hardcore Band Names

Personally, I think a puppy named Absolut Bullmarket Social Distortion would be pretty darned cute, but I’m guessing this is never going to happen. Maybe I can sneak in Husker Du, or Pixie(s) (of course, the jury is out on if they really qualify as ‘hard core’ but that’s splitting hairs).

2. Indie Movie Titles

Come on, admit it — Donnie Darko would make a great Frenchie name, and I could get him a little stuffed Frank the bunny toy to play with. I can even get him a ‘sparkle motion’ t-shirt. For a girl? Little Miss Sunshine. I could always push the boundary, and call one of them ‘Reservoir Dog’.

3. Bars I Got Drunk at in My Twenties

Well, it doesn’t have quite the cachet of a dog named “Duc D’Deluxe Monsignor Elegance”, but in my opinion ‘Bullmarket Absolut Vatikan‘ or Velvet Underground still have something of a ring to them. Probably not so much ‘Bullmarket Absolut Bovine Club‘, no matter how many celebrities have gotten plastered there over the years.

Eye Shadow 4. Urban Decay Eye Shadow Colors

In yet another nostalgic look back at the past, I’ve contemplated naming an entire litter after Urban Decay eye shadow colors, since I spent close to half my available income in my twenties snapping up every color they make. Lots of possibilities, too – ‘Acid Rain’, ‘Grifter’ or ‘Midnight Cowboy’ all have nice, show ring-esque rings to them.

5. Vodka Flavours

I’m not a vodka drinker, but the sheer amounts of vodka flavours out there are staggering. As a bonus plus, most of the flavored Vodkas are from Absolut! Bonus! Absolut Raspberri or Absolut Kurant Vodka seem custom made, or we could go with Effen Black Cherry Vodka. Or maybe not – I’m picturing trademark lawyers getting in on this…

6. Dead Poets Society

A litter of puppies, all named after dead poets! How romantic! How not so very cheerful. Sylvia Plath doesn’t inspire images of playful puppy antics, and I’m not sure I’d trust ‘Absolut Bullmarket Lord Byron‘ alone with the other puppies. Of either sex.

7. Dead Painters Society

I think I might well be able to slide this one past Barb, but only if I skip naming one ‘Van Gogh’. No one needs a Frenchie named after a one eared painter – that’s just inviting too much bad karma…

8. North America’s Worst Neighbourhoods

Again, this one would be kinda funny – Absolut Bullmarket Parkdale? Absolut Bullmarket Cabrini Green? No? Fine, be that way.

South Park Characters9. South Park Characters

On the one hand, this seems like a great idea, because South Park is one of my favorite shows (shut up, I know). Kyle and Kenny are perfectly fine names, and even Cartman isn’t that bad, especially if the puppy is both a miscreant and portly.

On the other hand, Cartman regularly dresses as Hitler, and I’m not sure the world is ready for a puppy named after Christmas poo, no matter how cute Absolut Bullmarket Mr Hanky would look on the registration papers.

10. Programming Languages

I happen to think there are some really cool opportunities for names within the world of programming languages. In fact, I already named a puppy ‘Perl’, which likely says more about me than even my fondness for South Park does. I remain, however, fairly convinced that not only would Barb object to a puppy named Bullmarket Absolut COBOL (let alone Fortran), but that I’d be reducing the dog to a life of getting slapped around at doggy day care. I am going to slip ‘Bullmarket Ruby on Rails‘ in there eventually, though. It’s just too good to resist.

11. Operating Systems

See above, with a side note that while Bullmarket Absolut Linux or Leopard would be adorable, I’d expect Vista to be clunky, unstable, an overeater and prone to crashing. Heh.

12. British Comedy Series

I fail to see how anyone could resist naming a puppy Absolut Bullmarket Monty Python, although even I draw the line at naming one Benny Hill.

Dave Allen would be awesome, though, but then you’d have to worry about the puppy losing a finger toe.

13. Rappers

My son would be in favor of this one – in fact, I’m pretty sure he’s suggested it once or twice. While I can see the lure of naming a puppy “Lil’ Bow Wow“, I’m afraid that the world is just not ready for Bullmarket Absolut Fiddy Cent to win at Westminster. Bullmarket Absolut P Diddy might do OK, but he’d want to change the name on his registration papers every other damn week.

Dexter Dreaming Darkly(BTW, this post was inspired by Barb’s recent unhappiness at learning Dexter’s registered name is ‘Bullmarket Absolut Darkly Dexter‘.  Apparently, there’s an unspoken rule that one just doesn’t name ones puppies after serial killers, even fictional one. My explanation that the name fits because Dexter the puppy means to be good, but just can’t help occasionally being bad, didn’t really cut it)

Satanic Cat iz in Ur Cupboard, Stealing Ur Soul

Cat From Hell!I’ve had cats most of my life, but I’ve oddly never been a real ‘cat’ person.

My breeds have usually been those that more closely mimic canine behaviour – your affectionate Maine Coons and Ragdolls appeal to me more than aloof Siamese Shorthairs (my daughter’s old cat Geordie was a Shorthair, and loved Nicole but barely tolerated anyone else in the house).

Now it seems I have good reason for avoiding those furry little cheezburger eaters – Feline Rage Syndrome! Aigghh! Run for your lives — it’s the angry kitties! Big news over on Discovery, where they’ve revealed that ‘Feline Rage Mimics Human Anger’.

Apparently, this means that cats hate slow left lane drivers even more than I do, and since cats are armed with those nifty retractable claws, we’d best take their tantrums seriously.

From the article —

Feline defensive rage, the aggressive cat behavior that recently led to the death of a California zoo visitor by a tiger that felt threatened, is comparable to human rage, both in the way that it emerges and unleashes in the brain, suggests a new study.

Well, yeah – it didn’t help that the moron (may he rest in peace, etc) was apparently drunk and taunting the tiger. On the plus side, we’ve got our Darwin Award winner lined up already.

For cats, such a drug could prevent the hissing, back arching, ear retraction, claw extensions and fur standing-on-end that are typical indicators of feline defensive rage. In humans, related anger reveals itself with road rage, an impulsive form of anger that involves little or no thought.

Erm, is a cat still a cat if it never hisses or fluffs up to double its size? And what will legions of Halloween graphic designers do without arched back cats to rely on?

“In road rage, the person never thinks about what he is doing but just acts in the way he does because he feels that he has been threatened by someone else and the impulsive behavior represents a way by which he can protect himself from such a threat,” co-author Allan Siegel told Discovery News.

“In reality, his actions are usually much more dangerous to him than to the person whom he perceived cut him off on the road,” added Siegel, a professor in the Department of Neurology & Neurosciences at New Jersey Medical School in Newark.

It’s a good thing cats can’t drive, then, especially cats who live in Los Angeles.

You can read the rest of the article here.

Of course, if you really need proof that cats iz crazy, look no further than the nuttiest cat of them all, Tom Cat – and we’ve got the video to prove it. Gosh, if anything could make you into a dog person….

Missing French Bulldog Alert & Support Frenchies on Valentines Day!


Bella is Missing from Coffeyville/Montgomery County, Kansas


Lost/ Picked up in Montgomery County Kansas, 1 Mi. South of HWY 166 & Dearing turnoff intersection.

Five month old French Bulldog pup, white with large black spot on rump. Speckled ears. Fourteen pounds last week.

Went AWOL while outside on potty break with our other dog, a Lab. Lab came back without her. We searched woods and pastures for hours, which turned into days.

Went missing Thursday, Jan. 24th, 2008. We are 1 mile from the Oklahoma border.


Please call 620-948-6249 or email .


ps: Please cross post, if you can. Such a tiny puppy, to be out in such terrible weather all alone.


Support French Bulldog Village with a Virtual Valentine!

Frenchie Kisses CardNone of us need another box of Chocolates this Valentine’s Day, and paper cards are so 2001, so send someone special your love with a virtual Valentine, from the French Bulldog Village!

Pick a chocolate kiss, a classic Valentine, a Frenchie Kisses Card, a candy hug or kiss, dedicate a custom framed Frenchie valentine, or choose one of the fun, animated cards!

Go here to send someone your love, or to show your love for your Frenchie!

Each and every penny you donate supports FBV and the Karen Krings Memorial Fund, which allows them to help dogs like lovely Lulu.


From the FBV site:

Poor LuLu! At just eight weeks old on September 1, she is struggling to adjust to her new foster home. Her new foster parents, two teenaged boys, and the resident dogs are all trying to make it easier on her, but she still wakes up in the dark and screams her little heart out. She doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t recognize the voices around her or the hands holding her.

It’s always dark when LuLu wakes up. Before her eyes even opened, a severe infection took away all of the vision in her right eye, and most of the vision in her left eye. Faced with a blind puppy, her breeder decided to turn her over to the French Bulldog Village so that this little four pound baby could get all the special attention that she needed and have the best possible start on what we all hope will be a healthy long life.

Learn more about Lulu here.

How could you say ‘no’ to giving just $5 to help a dog like Lulu? (Shameless guilt tripping – I’m perfectly OK with it).

Beautiful Bullies, "where's yer Willie?" and Frogs Needing Homes

On February 9th, Bullies from across North America will be congregating in Long Beach, California, for the 4th annual ‘Beautiful Bullies‘ competition. For the first time ever, Frenchies have been welcomed into the competition.

Do you think they realize how totally and utterly Frenchies are going to dominate this competition? Go team Frenchie! If you’re in the area, stop by and check it out.

I’m spending this coming weekend in lovely Wiarton, Ontario, where I’ll be anxiously awaiting the predictions of Wiarton Willie. Will it be six more weeks of winter, or an early spring? We’ll have to wait for Saturday to find out.

Wiarton WillieWillie’s weather prognostication career has been sadly marred by scandal. In 1999, the long lived original Willie was found dead, and festival organizers were unable to find a replacement in time for the weather prediction. Instead, they marked Groundhog Day by revealing “Willie” in a coffin. He had been dressed in a tuxedo, had coins over his eyes, and a carrot between his paws.

A scandal ensued when it transpired that the real Willie had in fact decomposed, and the body in the coffin was that of an older, stuffed groundhog. The Associated Press was obliged to issue a retraction on its wires.

There are numerous other weather predicting groundhogs across North America, although Willie is the only albino.

Wikipedia lists:

If you can’t make it Wiarton, or to any of the other February 2cnd groundhog day celebrations, you can check out the live WillieCam –

They’ll be broadcasting Willie’s predictions live on Saturday morning, bright and early at 7:00 am eastern standard time. Sean and I will be there with the dogs, so if you are planning on attending, drop us a line!

Side note: a friend of ours on the upper east coast of the USA has suffered a family emergency. Due to this, they are placing several lovely teenage French Bulldog puppies, and a few retired show girls. If you are interested in learning more about these avail-a-bullies, please email her directly.

What is a 'working' dog?

I spent most of last week flat on my back, sick with the flu. Thank God for Jane Austen novels and French Bulldogs that love to snuggle, because they are the only thing that can get me through a week of enforced bed rest and computer abstinence. There’s something about a snoring Frenchie warming your feet that speeds up the healing process. I know I’m not the only person who feels that way, either. Years of doing therapy visitations has taught me that few things can cheer up a sick, lonely or isolated person faster than a lap full of Frenchie.

None of this should really be too surprising to us, when we consider what French Bulldogs were originally bred for. Unlike Border Collies or Jack Russell Terriers, Frenchies have only been designed with one ‘job’ in mind, that of being a companion.

Read more