When Your Lap Feels Empty

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

I have always had a general rule of thumb when it comes to the question of “how many dogs is too many dogs?”, to whit: more dogs than can fit on your lap at any one point in time.

I fully admit, I have less lap that I used to, but even so – two dogs on your lap leave an empty space, both there and in your heart.

It’s been a rough two years when it comes to loss. Delilah, who left a weird, unique, one in a lifetime hole in our hearts. Kelda, who went too young, too soon, and too shockingly to be processed. The puppies I lost, again, too young, so young that they never had names, in such a mysterious way (a virus, so say the expensive and yet frustratingly non specific pathology reports from the University of Guelph, and how can something so mundane as a “flu virus”cause such trauma?).

Penelope, however, leaves us with a hole in our hearts, a space in our laps, and an ache that we are still trying to fill. Our tiny little teddy bear girl, who sat up on her hind legs like an imbalanced Buddha, balancing on her butt like a circus seal. Who loved to randomly bark at the ceiling, apparently for the sheer joy it. Who shrieked to introduce herself to every new person she met (“Here I am! Say hello! hi hi hi hi!”).

I don’t care how old your dog is, a death from cancer is never a good death. We took her home for one full week after her diagnosis, a week filled with ice cream and laps and extra treats, and walks that usually ended up being ‘carries’, not that we minded. Weeks come to an end, however, and when pain outweighs joy, it is time to say goodbye.

I have last photos of her, but I won’t share them, because she is and always will be our small, shining, silly girl, running alongside the lake with her sister, her mother, her grandmother, all of them now – gone, and gone too soon, and the holes they leave in your lap and your heart and your life, are holes that no other dog can fill, even though they in turn will leave their own holes, too, and too soon.

young-Nellie2

Open a store – what could go wrong?

We are still digging out from under the nightmare of our first store location – a horror story involving, in no particular order, a PTSD victim hoarder as a neighbour on one side of us, a crazy cat lady hoarder upstairs from us, and a burned out acid freak for a landlord. The entire shitstorm culminated with our ceiling collapsing into the middle of the store (did I mention this was due to the upstairs celing being soaked in an over abundance of cat urine? Super fun!). It has been an experience I strongly suggest avoiding at all costs, not to mention a timely lesson in “why we have insurance 101”.

Having to move 1,000 square feet of merchandise (what we could salvage of it, that is) will try the patience of the strongest person. Needless to say, I am spending about 18 hours of every day trying to get the new location running smoothly. This would have been easier if we could have renovated *before* we moved in, instead of afterwards – for example, it’s generally easier to remove an entire wall when you don’t have shelving attached to it.

Hopefully, things will calm down by mid September. I’m excited about adding new product lines – Orijen, Acana, Blue Buffalo (by customer request) and Solid Gold. Possibly Earthborn and Halo, too – anyone have feedback on them?

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