The French Bulldog Mafia
I live my life with two separate packs of dogs. Pack one consists of Tessa, Sailor, Ellie, Penelope, Delilah, Journey, Tula and Dexter. Pack two consists of Bunny, Paris and Fanny. The separation isn’t arbitrary, but rather on what I’ve often considered to be a microcosm of Mafia families – two rival gangs, each eager to ensure the annihilation of the other group.
Wikipedia tells us that the structure of a Mafia family is as follows –
- Capo di Tutti Capi (the “Boss of All Bosses”, namely Matteo Messina Denaro for the Sicilian Mafia and Renato Gagliano for the Sacra Corona Unita)
- Capo di Capi Re (a title of respect given to a senior or retired member, equivalent to being a member emeritus, literally, “King Boss of Bosses”)
- Capo Crimine (“Crime Boss”, known as a Don – the head of a crime family)
- Capo Bastone (“Club Head”, known as the “Underboss” is second in command to the Capo Crimine)
- Consigliere (an advisor)
- Caporegime (“Regime head”, a captain who commands a “crew” of around ten Sgarriste or “soldiers”)
- Sgarrista or Soldato (“Soldier”, made members of the Mafia who serve primarily as foot soldiers)
- Picciotto (“Little man”, a low ranking member who serves as an “enforcer”)
- Giovane D’Onore (an associate member, usually someone not of Italian ancestry)
Tessa’s role in the first group would be that of Capo di Capi Re – the elder, respected ‘Boss of Bosses’. She’s up there in years, retired from active supervision of daily operations, and content to spend her days hanging with the grandkids, an orange slice in her mouth. That doesn’t mean she allows any form of disrespect, however – she’ll still occasionally slap around one of the younger family members, just to make sure they’re still aware of who’s the boss. In spite of this, everyone knows where the real power lies – with her daughter, Sailor.
Sailor is the Michael Corleone of our canine pack – the Capo di Tutti Capi. Moody and soulful, willing to exterminate any enemies with extreme prejudice but slightly conflicted about it. A warrior poet, not to be messed with, and demanding of respect. At dinner time, all of the other dogs might will around waiting for their food, but Sailor demands to be fed first, as fitting the ‘Boss of This Thing of Theirs’.
Ellie would be Sailor’s Consigliere. She hangs out with Sailor, grooms her, follows her from room to room, and generally makes herself indispensable to Sailor in day to day life.
Penelope would be Sailor’s underboss – she’s usually pretty easygoing, but if the younger dogs get out of hand, she’s willing to step in and handle the situation. She’s given respect by most of the dogs, with the exception of Tula, who will occasionally challenge her. This could lead to some problems when it’s time for Penelope to step up to a higher role in the family. Let’s hope Penelope doesn’t decide to have Tula whacked.
I suppose Tula would be a Caporegime, since she pretty much runs the younger dogs who are lower than her in rank, with Delilah and Journey acting as Soldatos, and Dexter most definately a Picciotto, or ‘Little Man’.
Poor Fanny is a Soldato, verging on being a Giovane. She can get along with either family, and although neither shows her much respect, they don’t pick on her, either.
Paris, on the other hand, is a Capo De Crimine – head of her own little crime family, which is at war with Sailor. She’s happily whack Sailor, given a chance, and she has beefs with a number of Sailor’s ‘crew’, mainly Journey, Tula and Penelope. Bunny was the former Capo, but somehow or another Paris staged a coup, and now Bunny is Paris’ Underboss. She doesn’t dare mess with Paris’ authority.
I spend a lot of time making sure neither family has access to horse heads.
A Side Note:
I’ll be away on and off for most of March through the first week of April. I’ve compiled a few pre written blog entries, including some Thursday Thirteens, but posting will be sporadic, and I won’t be answering much email.
Since Barb is completely computer-less at the moment, this means very little email answering of any kind will be taking place. I mean, even less so than usual.
I would keep all of them away from toll booths.
jan’s last blog post..The Chiditarod—not exactly the Iditarod
In junior high school I was referred to as “Don Corleone in legwarmers” or “Don Corleone in pigtails” by my brother.
What do you think Bunny’s little fat, sneaky progeny Weezie (aka Izzy) would be, in this case, since Bunny has been demoted? Most have seen video of her mad thieving skillz vis-a-vis the abduction of Mr. Monkey from Tessa.
Were I you, Carol, I might pass along a message to Sailor and Paris to never dine in a restaurant with their wiggle butts to the door. Watch the door, Weezie says.
Oh, and those photos that arrived in the mail of Mr. Monkey? Weezie has no idea where those came from.